There have been sooooooo many things happened while visiting Korea! So, I recognize that my blog hasn't been updated so much.

The photo here was taken from a photo shop with one of my sisters who has just got married on August. It was a day before she was getting married and she was trying on different wedding dresses. Many people say that we don't look a like at all, but we are sisters. :)

It was wonderful to be at her wedding. And I had some chance to get to know my new brother in law before coming back to Sweden, which was very nice.

Besides this event, I found out that I had cancer on my Thyroid. So, I had to change all plans set up before I found this out, which was crazier than I found out this cancer thingy. Hm, this wasn't pleasant experience at all. I feel like that I am still living under that condition even if the surgery went so well and cancer on Thyroid is not like another cancer, which means that it is kind of nice one not dangerous one. Nonetheless, I kinda see many different ways of impact on me due to this sickness I got.
People are saying to me that I got this sickness because I worked too much. Yes, it could be true that I misinterpreted God's calling or I have gone too far with my zeal, so I let myself work too much and i got cancer.
But, I have started struggling so much with this because I don't know how to hear God's calling for my life any more or I am afraid of figuring God's guidance. What if I again fail to hear right?
What if I go too far again even if I figured right that He has called me to do the task or to be somewhere? What if... what if... There can be a lot of questions to this.

I have recently studied the book of Acts again to teach, and I have noticed that there have been much persecution and hardships beyond great wonders and signs happened by apostles through the Holy Spirit. For instance, Stephen had been killed after his great preaching to the Jews, which resulted in great persecutions arisen among the Christians. And James one of disciples was killed by Herod, which was recorded in the book of Acts. When I traced how 12disciples had finished their lives, i found out that they all were killed somehow eventually, which made tears running on my cheek. But I have never heard that people were referring that their too much zealous heart made them to be killed.

I believe that all human beings including myself make many many mistakes in what we do since we all are sinners by nature. But I do also believe that we all are righteous by faith through what Jesus has done for us, which means our sins are forgiven by Him.
So, what I am wondering here is how come Christians would dare to accuse others so easily as saying that sicknesses or difficulties in their lives have been caused by their faults. Actually I am guilty of it as well since I have probably thought like that even if I haven't talked like that to those people who were going through difficulties. Maybe I am reaping what I have sown...

My conclusion to my wandering thought on this is that I should not focus on what I have done wrong too much but focus on what God is doing now or how He can help me to go through with this. And what I am learning here is that I am sure that people wouldn't need to hear too much accusations when they are already going through difficulties no matter what the reasons could cause them.

Lord, forgive me if there was any thought I haven't cleared out with you in this kind of thoughts.
And help me to go through this time without being too much confused or being condemned.